Love

I don't believe in love at first sight. That's ridiculous. You don't know this person, they could be anyone. Appearances are not everything. And yet, I fall in love all the time. One look at the woman, and perhaps it's the colour of her scarf, or ridiculously over-sized glasses, and I know, I just know, that I want to be just like her. I will steal little glances at her. Yes, this is her. This is how she smiles, this is how she reacts to the world, she is wonderful. And when she talks, there is a warmth in her voice, and a vibrancy, and I am in love. I know that she will wander out of my life as suddenly as she appeared, and I will go about my life as if I had never known her, and she will slowly fade away, but there will always be flashes of colour and flashes of laughter that tease me, and my life will be just this tiny bit richer for that one evening spent in the glow of her company. 

First we make the beast beautiful

Her eyes are blue, the blue just before dawn, with the morning star floating on a string.

Her hair are long. They get into her eyes, and they get into her mouth when she is eating. She has stars in her hair.

She ties them into a messy ponytail, and if you're lucky, you can see a twinkle of a star as she runs. 

She is a child.

She is very generous with her affection. She likes random hugs, and kisses.

She will envelop you in her embrace
and not let go.
She likes to hold your hand when you walk.
She wants to hold your hand when you run.

There are monsters behind you, vague and shadowy, and she knows you have to run.
She knows that you are running headlong into monsters.

She wants you to pivot, to change directions, to run. She knows there are monsters in every direction, and she is too little; she can't shield you from them. She does not understand anything. She knows only that she needs you to run.
And she will run with you.

She will always run with you.

She can run very fast. She is a little meerkat, always on her tippy toes, looking out for monsters. When she finds a threat, she will hover around you in dizzying circles, squeezing the world out, wanting, desperately, to protect you. Do you not the shadows? She needs you to listen, to pay attention. She really, really needs you to hide.

There is a monster behind you. There are shadows behind you. There is a shadow inside you. She knows you can't run, she knows there is no place to hide. (Does nobody see the shadows?) But she will push you to run, and she will run with you.

She is just a child. (Why does nobody see the shadows?)

She is just a little child.

To dad

Follow the tail of the Great Bear, you'd said,
and I'll find Arcturus, and if I go further, Spica;
is there a pointer somewhere in that beloved sky,
daddy, that can lead me to you?

When we were little

When the clouds ran out of raindrops,
and we were all chastened, dried
and changed into fresh frocks, we'd run out
again with paper-boats, place little dreams in 'em,
and set them sailing in little oceans on the street.

To dad

I switch on your old radio,
and the tunes wander into all the corners of the house
you aren't there.

Untitled

When I die, my dear, think of me,
a white flower that bloomed one day
in a quiet corner of the world.

Confessions

Ma, when daddy told me he would not give up
his fight against cancer, that he’d try every drug possible, 
steal every month he could from Death, I’d smiled, 
and smiled, and nodded, 'of course, yes!' 
But ma, all I could think was that it would be easier if 
--I couldn't complete that thought -- guilt 
fused uncomfortably with the warmth of his embrace.